Enlightening words...

I was reading my free horoscope review for fun earlier today, and came across this worthy sentence that I am sharing on here:

"Agreeing to a set of compromises used to feel like surrender, until you realized that you were simply opening up another set of possibilities."

Upon some reflection, I think these words hold true in certain respects.
I, for one, used to think in my younger years that to compromise means admitting defeat.
Being immersed in a nation that has put the word "kiasuism" (meaning "afraid to lose out") into a dictionary, I won't deny that I hadn't adopted such an attitude (being "kiasu") to a certain extent.
But over the years, with an increase at experiencing more of life and living, I have learnt to compromise.

Having said that, I've still got a lot to learn.
I've learnt that being too compromising is not a good thing either.
People will think you are a push-over.
For instance, learning to say "no" instead of "yes" just to please someone was a phase I went through myself.
I used to think saying "yes" showed that I had an easygoing nature.
What a joke.
At times, I even put myself out on a limb just to ensure that the other party was happy with my so-called "compromise".
Only to realise that I had been made use of and chucked aside like toilet paper thereafter (not that I want to be portrayed as not having personal hygiene and thus smell, but I'm just trying to make the point of how upset I felt).

Anyway, to side-track a little...

I have decided to commit myself to a business venture as a 'silent' partner.
This is with a friend who has previously tried to help me secure an office in the early stages of my previous employment in the last company I worked for.
Despite having painfully injuring himself at work, he still went about looking for an ideal office space for me at the time.
From there, I can see that he is someone who can be trusted, and also someone who will make sure that the new business will take off - to the best of his and his 2 other partners' abilities, of course!
This is not forgetting that he has a stake in it as well.
It's going to be my first experience at being an investor.
And I am rather excited by it!

A new word

No, it's not a new expletive.
Ha.
It's one that refers to the kind of spamming found on blogs.
(To all fellow bloggers out there, I think you know what I mean.
Some of you are actually guilty of that yourselves!)
Such spamming is known as 'splog'.
And I thought I should share on here.
How can we stop people from splogging on our blogs???

Mother of all insomnia

I promise this is the last time I'll talk about my insomnia.
But I have to share this one cuz I thought it was amazing.
I was in bed by 10 pm last night.
As usual, each time I was about to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my own moving limb, etc.
This went on intermittently (amidst visiting the loo) till about 7+ am.
And that was when I fell asleep, waking up at 11 am.
Needless to say, the meditation didn't work after all.
Although I must say by 10 pm, I felt I was about to fall asleep big time then.
I feel as if I am floating on air now (and this is without medication!), although I'm sitting comfortably on my chair typing out this blog!
In this 'floaty' state, I've decided I shouldn't even attempt to head out to my Salsa class for this evening, what with the original intention of merely watching everyone from the sidelines if I went.
That makes 2 weeks in a row that I have missed my class, not to mention it being the last lesson at this level for today.
And up till last week, I have never missed a class in the 6 months I've been attending the classes.
Sigh.

Sleeping problem

I've been suffering from insomnia and the lack of sleep since I quitted my job recently.
And the problem is getting worse.
For instance, instead of the usual dozing off at 4+ am and waking up 5 hours later, I startled myself several times as I was about to fall asleep last night.
I had been good at being in bed by 10 pm in the past week, but it would merely be tossing and turning until I finally got off to sleep.
My doctor had refused to prescribe sleeping pills for me when I saw him last Fri, saying that he was worried I would become dependent on them.
He said the flu medication would probably knock me out anyway.
Which it didn't, obviously.

So, I decided I shall do some meditation today.
I have not done this since I've been back from the UK.
So it was rather good that I had maintained a sitting posture, yoga-style, for a good 1.5 hours.
I then proceeded to be on my back for another hour, due to some pain I am feeling on the small of my back.
In all that time, I had lighted a (expensive!) jasmine-scented candle, and turned the meditation music up louder than usual.
This was to drown out all other noise outside my window (which happens to face a children's playground), and the noise the live-in maid was making while she was preparing dinner for the family.

I focused my attention on the music, and also on my breathing.
It felt REALLY good.
I must remember to get back to regular meditation from now on.
Perhaps this is what I need to cure my fatigued mental state of health...

Surrender

I just came back from the doc's.
I finally succumbed to the fact that I'm better off being treated for my flu properly.
Needless to say, self-medicating didn't work.
I told my doc all the health problems I've had since I started and quitted on my last job.
He concluded (as I've done) that my body immune system is weak.
Hence the onslaught of problems, one after another.
And all these are a result of...work stress.
This weekend is gonna be no fun.
I'll have to be good and stay at home to rest...sigh.
Then again, if I feel better tomorrow, I could still head out I suppose.
Better get some rest going right now... :o)

Post-graduation pics

No, there are not of mine.
I have delayed graduation till next summer for various reasons.
They are graduation pictures of 2 of my coursemates, who braved the London terrorist attacks to attend the ceremony in the capital city.
It's good to see familiar faces again, despite it having to be from photos.
Makes me a little nostalgic and missing my UK days.
The 4-year experience of living independently has done me a world of good.
It's one hell of an experience I will never be able to experience again.
I am glad I was able to treasure those days while I was still undergoing that experience...
Makes it all the more memorable and much more treasured!

It will be strange when I am back next summer for my own graduation ceremony.
For a start, the University has already started undergoing refurbishments.
Nothing is going to be the same again.
Then again, in life, what is?
Things and people change with time.
And I will most certainly change with time too.
In fact, I think I have already changed, since I started working in January this year.
Not that I wanted to, or could have helped things.

The only wish I have is that my friendships with people I've met and got to know over the years will remain intact.
Not that it will be the case with all the existing friendships that I have, but even so, I can be hopeful...

Down but not out...yet

I am under the attack - of the flu virus kind.
I was rather unprepared for it, I must say.
Considering the virus has been going around for quite awhile now, I thought I had managed to dodge it, thinking I would have got it by now if I hadn't.
Guess I thought too soon.
I felt the chills late last week.
But that was all.
Then when it started to rain pints(!) all of yesterday - which caused some flooding in parts of the country - I started sneezing.
And that went on all day and all night.

Not only do I feel like I'm a trumpeting elephant, but I've blown my nose so many times that each time, I try to make sure my nose is still in its rightful place!
Perhaps I should sample the sound for some creative music-making at a friend's private recording studio.
Ha.

Hilarious(!) - A letter from the wife & her husband's response

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quitted your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had my hair and nails done, cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S.
If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

your EX-Wife


Dear EX-Wife:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that didn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week; the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had that new negligee on because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quitted my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S.
I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed, Rich As Hell and Free!

What news?

In the past 1 day or so, I've already had 3 friends asking for any news with the job I applied for.
To all those who are reading my blogs, the answer is "no", I have not heard back.

Anyway...

I woke up this morning all ready to head out after hibernating at home in the past week.
I was actually looking forward to going shopping with my mother and my sis-in-law.
Alas, I found my nose semi-blocked, my throat sore, and the head spinning when I got up.
I reluctantly stayed home to rest some more.
It has been really boring staying at home.
If not for the fact that I am trying to give my body maximum rest, I would've been out meeting up with friends for tea/coffee or meals daily!
Not to mention restart my exercise routine again.
Oh well.
That time will come - like next week! :o)

Funny things that the body does

A cause for celebration is: my right eyelid has finally stopped twitching!
Ha.
A quick search on the Internet revealed that fatigue, stress and caffeine are possible causes for the eyelid to twitch.
I can relate to the first two causes, of course, but the bit about the caffeine is definitely not applicable.
Considering I only have one cup of either tea or coffee per day, I don't think that's excessive.

Frankly, I didn't know that stress and fatigue can make your body do funny things.
In the last few weeks, I've suffered from insomnia, broken sleep, etc.
Not to mention a rare attack of eczema in the past week, on top of getting the twitching right eyelid.
The only other 2 occasions I got eczema was when I was undergoing extreme stress when I was in the UK.
And strangely enough, I have noticed that all these signs and symptoms tend to surface only immediately after a stressful period is over.

Actually, I felt physically and mentally strong during the tough times I had, in relation to my most recent case.
So I hadn't thought that the body would 'collapse', post-ordeal.
I suppose I had unknowingly exhausted the body.

An interesting take on life

Life is all about an ar*e:

You are either covering it,
Laughing it off,
Kicking it,
Kissing it,
Busting it,
Trying to get a piece of it,
or....

behaving like one.
Ha...

Twitching right eye

In the last couple of days, I've been having a twitching right eye.
I just hope that in my Salsa class earlier in the evening, no male dance partners of mine who danced with me thought I was 'eyeing' and winking at them!

Open to one interpretation, it means either someone has been talking or thinking about me.
Interpreting in another way, it could mean that the pending news of the job at the bank is not good.
A third interpretation from a friend said that it's merely involuntary eye muscles doing their thing, considering I haven't been sleeping well.
Ha.
Out of the three, which would YOU pick as a reason???
Which do you think I picked as a reason? ;o)

A dear friend

I met up with a dear friend for coffee.
She was visiting from Malaysia.
She used to be my personal trainer at a gym for a number of years.
Shortly after I decided to pursue my research studies in the UK in 2000, she also quitted her job at the gym and returned to Malaysia.
Although she had been working in this country for a total of 8 years, my friend still returned to see her friends regularly.
However, due to the difference in my timing and hers as far as our previous return-visits were concerned, we didn't get to meet up.
And this went on for at least over 2 years.
So it has been that long that I've not met up with her.
That is, till earlier today.

On the phone before we met up, my friend told me to prepare myself mentally that she has put on 10 kilograms since I last saw her.
I was only half-believing what she said.
Especially since she was a personal trainer, and a very active lady at that.
So, I was still a little surprsied that she had indeed "blossomed".
Then again, it was good that her face is still slim and pretty.
Unlike mine.
If I were to put on the slightest bit of weight, the first place that would show would be on my face!
Which, incidentally, has been slimmer of late. :o)
I haven't been having much appetite in the last week, and tried to sleep more instead of eating more.
That's the reason why.

I am tending towards more of a 'mesomorph' (there's 'ectomorph' and 'endomorph') body type, although there is no one person who isn't a combination of these three.
For me, I've always known that I build muscle mass rather easily, but have got to be careful to include a variety of exercises in any of my fitness or execise program.
It's just so that my muscles develop proportionately and shapely rather than bulk up.
Which was what happened (on first discovery) that after a short while of training at swimming 'butterfly' style when I was twelve, my shoulders and chest became broader, and my upper arms started becoming muscular.
I freaked out, and stopped very soon after.

All these mean one thing: that I can put on or lose weight quite easily, and it all depends on what I do (or don't do).
Anyway, I am finding myself able to wear my existing clothes a bit better, and finding more room in them too.
Let's see how long this current, smaller body shape lasts, eh? ;o)
Ha.

Taking that dreaded step

I have gone and dunnit.
After waiting for over 2 weeks, I've decided to make the unwilling call to the company that has put me through 3 rounds of interview.
I made it a point to ring the first interviewer, whom friends say would usually be the immediate boss if I were hired (and they were right).
I said I thought I should check back about the outcome of the decision, since it has been over 2 weeks now.
I was told by the first interviewer that even he himself has yet to receive the official announcement of the outcome for the various positions other than the one I applied for.
And that the HR was supposed to make the official announcement.
This means he knows the outcome, except he can't disclose anything yet.
I suddenly felt silly, and said I was sorry to bother him.
He was kind enough to say in a friendly manner that it was ok.
And he called me by my first name!

I informed a friend about the entire phone exchange - the one who used to work there but not any more.
He said it definitely sounded positive.
Right now, how I wish I have his confidence!
Ha.

In the meantime, I am recuperating from the ordeal my last job has put me through.
I am still suffering from insomnia, and even if I managed to get some sleep, I would wake up thinking I have a busy day ahead of me.
This last job has seemingly driven me a little bit potty.
I can't sit still nor stand still, and I've been trying to find things to do, and am very unsettled somehow.
In short, I can't - for the life of me - relax!

Mom suggested I should got to Malaysia with her this Sat to Mon.
This trip is to see my uncle who is recovering from pneumonia.
I declined.
It's not that I don't care about my uncle.
I do, and have been getting daily updates about his condition.
It's just that considering I haven't been to see my maternal relatives more than 2 years ago, I anticipate my going will be another stressful time for me.
Everyone will be fussing over me, wanting to chat with me, and finding out the latest news with me.
Not to mention more insomnia being away from home, plus all the stress of packing and unpacking just for the 2-odd days.
Anyway, I have to be physically around in case I get called up for yet another interview.

Meanwhile, trying to chill out is the best thing I should do right now...

Another kind of spamming

I have noticed that my blogsite and a friend's blogsite have been getting comments from people who pretend that they like reading our blogs, and then proceeded to 'casually' leave their business websites behind.
Smart move, people, but you are not doing yourselves any favours.
Do you think people will appreciate the kind of marketing strategy that you are adopting, let alone wanting to use the goods and services you provide?
Your insincerity has already put us off.
And because of this reason, people like me will not even consider visiting your websites, not to say find out what wares you are trying to flog.
Which means you are already losing potential patrons.
There is a time and a place for marketing your stuff, but it's definitely not on people's personal blogsites.
Many blogsites have been created for friends from afar, who would like to be 'in the know' of what goes on in another friend's life from the other side of the globe.
Please respect our aims, and we'll respect yours.
Cheers.

Life's complications

I met up with a newish friend for dinner last night.
I only got to know her by coincidence back in May this year.
She was introduced to me when I met up with another friend whom I've known for years, for drinks.
I've met up with this newish friend a couple more times since, and I thought she is like any other friends of mine - nice.
More clarifications about that last statement in awhile.

I had arranged to meet up with her last night for 2 reasons.
Firstly, it was because she is taking off to Nepal shortly (for goodness knows how long).
Secondly, it's her birthday this coming Thursday.
Dinner started off well enough - we exchanged news.
Then we proceeded to have after-dinner coffee at a coffee joint.
That's where the mood changed.

The coffee-chat became a counselling session - me, the counsellor, and she, the 'patient'.
I found out that my friend has stopped eating.
And that she has no will to live.
Although she ate quite normally with me, that, she explained, was because there was someone who ate with her.
Being orphaned at an early age, and with 2 of her three elder, married siblings residing overseas and a younger one recently married locally, my friend said she had never felt like she could relate to her siblings.
Or belonged anywhere.
She said that at times, she felt as if she was like one of those local elderly people living on their own in a one-room flat.
She even said she feared that she might waste away and die without anyone knowing.
And all that, I do believe, are signs of depression.

My friend said she has been to see a professional counsellor, but she has continued to struggle with this problem of hers.
The situation is compounded by the fact that she is also trying very hard to finish off a part-time Masters course, and in the final stages of putting together a dissertation for submission.
I pointed out that she should be building up strength and energy for such a challenging task of writing, and perhaps that she should put that aside for now and try to start eating properly again.
I also suggested that perhaps trying to do other things to take her mind off the pressure of writing, like light exercising, would help.
Then she suddenly started crying.
She said in her condition, she doubted if she could exercise much without fainting.

During the entire hour, while I was trying to make helpful suggestions for my friend to consider following, she would keep replying with the word "but".
I was helpless.
The priority was to make my friend be aware that without eating properly, she won't be able to handle much else.
I have honestly tried my best to help in the way I thought was good for her, but getting non-positive responses was making me frustrated at the same time.
I even suggested that she make a one-day timetable to follow.
The kind that lists timings for mealtimes, work, etc.
I even said she could consider making use of an alarm clock to remind her to eat!
Unfortunately for my friend, she has severe food-allergy problem.
Which means there isn't much food she can eat or interest her to eat.

As one can see, I couldn't do much after that.
Except to call it a night and that I'll check back on her from time to time.
I was mellow when I got home.
Talking to a couple of friends who happened to call me on the phone helped.
Isn't life complicated???